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By Dan Byrne / Staff Writer
MONDAY, APRIL 18, 2005

This will be my final column as a writer for the Echo. I can scarcely imagine the unadulterated joy that many must be feeling knowing that my insistent and inconvenient opinions will no longer grace the pages of the Echo. Over the past two years, I have told you what I thought, and why. I have made every effort to base my personal opinions—and my columns in turn—on facts and well reasoned principles. Love me or hate me, you gotta respect me. Not everything I have an opinion about is based on data, ethics, and ideology, however. For my final column, I’d like to give you these opinions and comments completely free of fact or focus.

There is no vast right wing conspiracy. If there were, I would have applied for a membership card.

There is however, a ground swelling of conservative activism at the collegiate level across the country. Call it the 1960s in reverse.

The only thing more wretched and reprehensible than Steve Wilson’s reporting of the University House fiasco was Eastern’s handling of Steve Wilson.

I was ambivalent about the new union until they tore down the sand volleyball courts for construction. Since then, I’ve been opposed to it.

I feel like I take my life in my hands every time I use an elevator in Pray-Harrold.

Shania Twain is terrible. She is a terrible country singer, a terrible pop singer, and in all likelihood, a terrible Canadian too.

The fact that many actresses are able to launch successful pop music careers is telling as to the appalling state of popular music today. (Lindsay Lohan, Hillary Duff, Jennifer Lopez, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Paris Hilton, etc.) You care barely act, and you definitely can’t sing, so just knock it off.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are creepy. How did those cute kids on Full House become emaciated crack whores?

Conan O’Brien is hilarious.

The older I get, the more I appreciate a good cartoon, and the less I appreciate a bad sitcom. I’ll admit it; I’m an Adult Swim addict. Gentlemen! That’s 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue.

If you are a girl, clubbing in Canada is a great way to get hit on/molested by creepy guys with gold chains and pink shirts. If you are a guy, clubbing in Canada is a great way to sport your gold chain and pink shirt and then hit on/molest girls who are into that kind of thing. I’ll pass.

I would like to propose a theory: The more degrading and demeaning a rap song is to women, the more likely a woman will want to dance to it.

President Craig D. Willis is the man.

Dr. Barry Pyle, Dr. Ed Sidlow, and Professor Mark Maironis each need to get a big raise.

I give credit to those actually involved in elective politics. I don’t think I could be a politician because I have little tolerance for rampant stupidity. This is especially true in university politics.

There is something peculiar about graduating this Saturday only to come back Monday and Tuesday to take more finals.

Microsoft Internet Explorer is a bottom of the barrel web browser. Use Mozilla Firefox instead.

As far as I’m concerned, an activity is not a “sport” if it has subjective judges rating intangible qualities. For example diving and figure skating; not sports. Golf and Hockey; sports.

I bring a novel by Dostoyevsky every time I drive along Huron River Drive past LaForge. It keeps be occupied. Traffic lights all over Washtenaw County must have been programmed by monkeys with brain damage.

Peninsular Place is going to be a great place to live…if you don’t mind getting blown out of bed by a freight train at 4 a.m.!

U2 gives the Irish a bad name. Your name is not “The Edge”, its David Howell Evans, so stop being so pretentious. Bono, take off those silly glasses, you look ridiculous.

Video games lost something when they all switched away from two-dimensional side scrolling.

It’s amazing that so many people cannot comprehend a concept as simple as supply and demand.

Kevin Spacey is a little weasel.

OJ did it. So did Robert Blake and Michael Jackson.

Flip-flops are not shoes. They barely qualify as sandals, and under no circumstance should they be worn when it’s cold outside.

It blows my mind that anyone can take “American Idol” seriously. I watch curling on CBC. I watch the History Channel.

MTV is a cancer on the youth of America. Not only does it brainwash 12-year-old girls to dress like prostitutes and 15-year-old guys that trucker hats are cool (they aren’t), but it makes the worst music popular music.

“Die Hard 4” is the greatest idea since “Indiana Jones 4.” Both are slated for release in 2006.

It’s always a wise policy to your friends that their boyfriend/girlfriend is, “nice as can be, great looking, and not my type”.

I’m a sucker for redheads.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I sing in the car.

Conservative is not a dirty word. Not even on a college campus.

Take the high road, even if you end up taking it alone.